Grieving, friendship, family and philosophy

I grieved for

The closure that would never happen,

Even though closure is a myth

 

I grieved for

The childhood fear and anger

Of him, and about him

That I could never more fully express to him,

Never more get him to understand,

Never again try to make him understand.

 

I grieved for

The fact that he never would abandon

The myth of control

Over his family, his fatherhood

And the narratives he had spun to himself

About all of this.

 

I grieved for

The fact that he had walled himself up

Over the bits of my childhood fear and anger

That I had told him about,

As he built that wall of control higher

Against the perceived Mongol invaders,

Or whatever he thought of these challenges.

 

I grieved for

Any form of an “us”

That growing or changing, could have continued.

 

But

I grieved for

Me

Most of all

Because I still hadn’t gotten past that fear enough.

 

Real friends,

Friends for life,

Whether in families or not

Let their friends grow

In ways that are good for them,

And, offer suggestions first,

Stronger comments second,

And maybe rebukes next,

When they see friends growing in unhealthy ways.

 

— As inspired by Kieran Setiya